Dear Chara: The Almost Relationship — Why Do They Keep Me Around but Never Commit? 12/4/2025

Dear Chara, I’ve been seeing someone for months. We talk every day, act like a couple, even pray together — but there’s no title, no commitment, and no clarity. I feel stuck between “maybe” and “married.” Why do people do this, and how do I stop attracting it?

Response:

Dear Emotionally Exhausted and Over It

Sis, let me be honest with love — people who keep you in almost situations do so because they benefit from access without accountability. You can’t change that pattern by loving harder; you change it by choosing better. Before you consider some things - ask yourself this - what did we agree on in the beginning? When you first met and started talking - did you both say you were just looking for friends? Did you agree to him saying he wasn't looking for anything serious and then you 'hoped' that would change? I'm not saying you did, I'm asking you to think back, reflect on what you originally agreed to because sometimes we put ourselves in these positions thinking it will change. Beyond that, here are some things to consider. 

• Consistency without clarity is confusion. If someone truly values you, they define what you are — they don’t keep you guessing.

• Stop auditioning. You are not a try-out for someone’s comfort zone. The right person won’t make you compete with your own peace.

• Patterns reveal purpose. If “almosts” keep showing up, it’s time to ask, “What part of me is still entertained by crumbs?” Healing raises your appetite.

• Detach with dignity. You don’t need a blow-up to bow out. Silence and boundaries are louder than explanations.

• Remember your worth. Commitment is not too much to ask — it’s the minimum for covenant.

One prayer that keeps me focused is the Serenity Prayer. It asks for God to grant serenity to accept what cannot be changed, courage to change what can and wisdom to know the difference. It could be time for you to put this prayer in operation. Make a list of what you cannot change and what you can change and work on what you can change about this situation. Do it with love and class, if it's time for an exit, make it peacefully. If not, enjoy your life until the commitment comes. Whatever you do - don't stop living! You can also invest in you by taking a relationship class or getting mentorship in the art of dating. You can join a group of ladies that I mentor who are right where you are. 

My final thoughts are when you stop accepting “almost,” you make space for absolute. God doesn’t do halfway love, and neither should you. Walk away with your peace and your crown intact. 👑 God bless! 

~Ask Chara~