Dear Chara: Should I Stay or Go? When Faith and Feelings Pull in Opposite Directions 11/27/2025

Dear Chara, I’ve been dating someone for over a year. He’s kind, says he loves God, and treats me well — but there are red flags I can’t ignore. I keep praying for confirmation, but I feel torn between my heart and my spirit. How do I know if it’s time to leave or believe?

Response:

Dear Conflicted and Confused,

I can feel your heart, sis — you’re trying to make a decision that honors both God and yourself, and that’s a sacred thing. But confusion is never God’s communication style. Peace is. Let's unpack this together.

• Faith doesn’t mean forcing it. Sometimes we call it “standing in faith” when it’s really avoiding clarity. God won’t contradict His Word to keep us in a situation that harms our peace.

• Red flags don’t turn green with prayer alone. Prayer gives wisdom, but wisdom also requires action. If someone’s behavior consistently contradicts their words, believe the behavior.

• Check the fruit, not the feelings. Galatians 5 reminds us that healthy relationships produce love, joy, peace, patience — not anxiety and confusion.

• God doesn’t do guilt trips. If you feel pressure that says, “You’ll never find anyone else,” that’s not God — that’s fear.

• Release with reverence. You can walk away without bitterness. Closure doesn’t always come through conversation — sometimes it comes through obedience.

If you are getting the red flags now, consider that your sign to move on. Don't allow the fear of being alone to keep you in what's not for you. Sometimes we have to do what the Word says in Proverbs 3:5-6 when it tells us to trust in the Lord with all of our heart and lean not to our own understanding, acknowledge in and He will direct our path (paraphrase). He's directing your path, you just have to follow it and have it settled in your heart that God knows what is best for you and He knows His plans for you. If you choose to stay, He will permit it, but you may have more turmoil than peace. You want to be found in God's perfect will for your life, not His permissive. 

In closing, if it costs your peace, it’s too expensive to keep. God’s best won’t require you to shrink, beg, or question your worth. Let peace be your green light, not pity. 🌿God bless you as you make your decision. 

~Ask Chara~