Dear Chara: Is There Such A Thing As Financial Abuse In Marriage?

Dear Chara: My husband doesn’t share money with me. He pays the bills, but I don’t get anything to spend or live. I make a little from my side hustle, but it mostly goes toward bills. Is there such a thing as financial abuse? What should I do? I’m hurt, and I’m growing angry and cold toward him. ~ Financially Frustrated

Dear Financially Frustrated,

Sis, you are not alone — and you’re not crazy. Money is one of the most common sources of conflict in marriage. But what you’ve described deserves a closer look and some serious reflection. Here are some points to consider:

• Yes — financial abuse is real. It’s when one spouse controls all the money in a way that limits the other’s independence, freedom, or dignity. It's not just about income — it’s about access, trust, and respect.

• Marriage should be about mutual stewardship. In Genesis 1:28, God told both Adam and Eve to take dominion — together. That includes dominion over finances. A husband who keeps you completely financially dependent is not walking in unity.

• You are not being petty. Wanting access to money isn’t “being greedy” — it’s about fairness, partnership, and trust. A healthy marriage includes shared vision, shared sacrifice, and yes — shared funds.

• Have the conversation — even if it’s hard. Say something like:
  “I’m thankful that you handle the bills, but I feel invisible in our financial decisions. I want to feel like a partner, not a dependent. Can we talk about how to create more financial unity in our home?”

• Watch for deeper roots. Is his control coming from fear? Upbringing? Pride? Addiction? Or is it part of a pattern of emotional or spiritual control? Don’t ignore red flags. Pray for discernment.

• Get wise counsel if needed. If he refuses to talk about money, uses it to punish you, or mocks your concerns, it’s time to seek support from a Christian counselor, marriage mentor, or financial coach.

Final Thoughts:
You were not called to be a charity case in your own marriage. You are a helpmate, not a houseguest. God wants wholeness for you — spiritually, emotionally, and financially. Don’t settle for silence where there should be stewardship.

My prayers are with you, Sis! ~Chara A. Taylor, Hot & Holy Love Coach