Dear Chara: Is Oral Sex Okay in a Christian Marriage?

Hello, Shameful but Open,

Let me start off by being very honest with you. This is one of the most common (and whispered) questions I receive. So, let’s remove the shame and look at it through a biblical and marital lens. Here are some points I want you to consider:

• The Bible doesn't directly prohibit it. While Scripture is clear about sexual immorality outside marriage, it doesn’t list oral sex as sinful within marriage. In fact, Song of Solomon uses sensual language that many believe celebrates all forms of mutual pleasure.

• Marriage is a covenant of mutual love and care. 1 Corinthians 7:4 talks about the mutual giving of our bodies in marriage. If both spouses are willing, comfortable, and it honors each other — it’s not sinful.

• Check the heart posture. Is it selfish or selfless? Loving or degrading? Is it done with joy and respect, or out of pressure and fear? These are the spiritual litmus tests that matter more than the act itself.

• Comfort and consent matter. If one spouse is hesitant, it’s not loving to coerce. Give space for conversation, understanding, and grace.

• Wives, you’re not “less holy” for enjoying your husband. God created your body — and your capacity for pleasure — with purpose. There is no shame in delighting in your spouse if it’s done in love, mutual agreement, and respect.

I want to share with you a personal story briefly. Early in our marriage we attended a church where the leader told us that all we could do was kiss and then go into the physical part. We were told that oral satisfaction was against God because it cannot cause reproduction. We both wanted to honor God. We stopped doing everything except kissing. Well, around month 6, we were looking at each other crazy and unfulfilled. My husband suggested we go on a fast. We did. In this fast, God revealed to us the very points that I just shared with you above. Many people, including preachers, tell us their personal preference and they try to tie scriptures to it to convict us we are doing wrong. It is important to know scriptures for ourselves. I'm thankful that we learned the truth and now we share the truth with others. Because we both had previous partners, we did need to get some deliverance to free ourselves from ungodly soul ties, but once that was done, we have been able to enjoy one another freely and without condemnation. And, we have not had to deal with spirit husbands, or spirit wives, incubus, succubus, nothing. We have been enjoying and embracing the liberties we have as a married couple. 

Final Thoughts:

Intimacy was God’s idea. Within the covenant of marriage, oral sex — when practiced with love, consent, and care — can be part of a deeply satisfying and God-honoring connection. Enjoy your spouse, enjoy your marriage. Keep it Hot & Holy!

Blessings, ~ Chara A. Taylor, Hot & Holy Love Coach