Dear Chara: I Don't Feel Like I Am A Priority to My Husband, How Can I Change This?

Dear Chara: I don’t feel like a priority to my husband. He always finds things to do without me. Even when we’re together, it feels forced. I feel like he only gives me one day a week to shut me up.”

Dear Feeling Unimportant, 

Oof. My heart hears yours. That sting of emotional disconnection is real — and painful. You’re not needy for wanting to feel wanted. You’re human. You’re a wife. And you’re worthy of love that chooses you, not just tolerates you. Here are some things I want you to consider first:

• Feeling like a priority is a basic emotional need. God created Eve because “it was not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18) Marriage was designed for companionship, not just cohabitation.

• His schedule reveals his values. And while work is important, consistent avoidance or emotional absence can signal something deeper — stress, resentment, escapism, or emotional immaturity.

• Be honest, not accusatory. Try saying:
  “I feel like I’m not a priority in your life right now. I miss us. I want to reconnect, but I can’t do it alone.”
  That’s not blaming — that’s vulnerability.

• Don’t beg. Build. Instead of chasing attention, start creating environments where intimacy can grow again. Invite him into small moments — lunch together, shared prayer time, even a fun game or walk. Let it be light, not heavy.

• Invite God into the gap. While you wait and work, trust that God sees your efforts. Pray for your husband’s heart — not just for change, but for closeness. And keep your own heart tender in the process.

Another option is for you two to invest in your marriage by getting some counsel. This provides some accountability for you both to reestablish emotional connection. Hanging out with other couples of the faith can be very empowering and impactful for you both. Don't feel bad for wanting time with him, but don't become possessive in the process. 

Final Thoughts:
Marriage shouldn’t feel like chasing scraps of attention. God desires more for you — and through your courage, healing and reconnection are possible. Your longing for togetherness is valid. Don’t downplay it. You’re not asking for too much — you’re asking for what God designed.

Blessings and grace! ~Chara A. Taylor, Hot & Holy Love Coach