Dear Chara, How To Help Your Spouse Try New Things? Response to Engaged Writer...

Dear Diana,

Ooooh good question, Queen! And first off — thank you for being wise enough to ask this before marriage. Because what you talk about now can shape how y’all thrive later.

Now, here’s the real-deal advice:

✨ 1️⃣ Get Comfortable Talking About Intimacy Openly.
Not graphic, not crossing boundaries — but honest. Ask your fiancé what his views on sexual exploration in marriage are. Is he adventurous? Traditional? Nervous? Curious? If y’all can’t talk about it now in theory, it’ll be even harder after “I do.”

✨ 2️⃣ Set the Tone for a Judgement-Free Marriage.
Let him know you value open, faith-filled, fun conversations about intimacy. Create a culture where trying new things isn’t taboo — it’s part of growing together.

✨ 3️⃣ Know What “New Things” Mean to You.
Are we talking bedroom positions? Vacation fantasies? Spontaneous dates? Massage nights? Communicate what “new” looks like in your mind — because he might be thinking bungee jumping and you’re thinking chocolate body paint 😜.

✨ 4️⃣ Remember: Marriage Changes the Dynamic.
Once you’re married, your options widen, and your covenant covers you. So, while you can talk and dream now, stay within your engagement boundaries. Save the actual “trying new things” for the honeymoon and beyond, honey!

✨ 5️⃣ Keep God in It.
Pray together about your future intimacy life. Invite God into those conversations. Yes — even the spicy ones. He created it!

Bottom line: Open communication now = open possibilities later. Build a marriage where y’all can pray, laugh, and try new things together for decades to come.

Hot & Holy marriages don’t happen by accident — they’re built on bold conversations just like this one. 💌✨

With some men, it is important to reassure them. They won't come out and admit it but some lack confidence, some have self-esteem issues, and other insecurities. Therefore, suggesting new things will be offensive to them and cause them to become defensive in response. You will want to approach some of the topics from the position of love languages and then it can be very helpful to learn each other's sexual love language - yes that is a thing! Understanding your sexual love languages can open up the door for greater conversation, greater exploration, and greater understanding. 

If these are not topics that you and he can handle alone, I would recommend some pre-marriage mentoring or pre-marriage counseling with counselors that will take you both deep into all the topics and show you some ways to enjoy your differences.  If you have to have the conversations without counselors or mentors, try asking would he be willing to try this for you and make an agreement, if we like, we can do it again, it not, we don't have to, but you would love if he would give it a try at least once. See how that works. 

Blessings to you and take care! You are rocking this engagement thing out!

Stay safe, sexy, and sizzling!

Chara "Your Hot & Holy Hype Woman (For Christian Marriages)"