Ask Chara Response to "Dear Chara: What do I do if I feel repulsed by my husband?"

Dear Repulsed but Hopeful,

Thank you for your honesty. It takes courage to admit this — especially as a wife who loves the Lord and values her marriage. Here are some things I want you to consider: 

• Start with prayer and self-reflection. Repulsion is a signal, not a sentence. Ask God to reveal the root — is it emotional disconnection, unresolved hurt, unmet expectations, hygiene, neglect, or unrepented sin?

• Address emotional wounds. Many times, resentment or unspoken pain causes a physical reaction. It's hard to feel close to someone you feel distant from emotionally. Counseling (spiritual and/or professional) can help unpack this.

• Don’t suffer in silence. When ready, gently express to your husband how you're feeling — not in accusation but in vulnerability. Use phrases like, “I’ve been feeling disconnected and it’s affecting how I respond physically. I want to work through it with you.” If you find that this cannot realistically happen without arguments, seek to get a third party included on the conversation (counselor, spiritual leader, etc.). 

• Consider the natural and the spiritual. Hormonal changes, trauma triggers, or stress can affect physical attraction. So can spiritual warfare. Marriage is sacred — and the enemy loves to attack intimacy.

• Practical steps help too. Sometimes re-establishing connection starts with non-sexual touch, shared time, laughter, and remembering what drew you together.

Final Thoughts:
You’re not a bad wife for feeling this way. You’re a brave one for wanting to work through it. God is more than able to restore desire, connection, and joy — even when things feel far gone. There is hope for you and your marriage. 

Blessings and warm regards,

Chara Taylor, Hot & Holy Love Coach